ATHEISTS and agnostics are decent people whose tormented souls will burn for all eternity in the scorching fires of hell, Britain's biggest catholic said last night.Gee, I wonder how he feels about Jews and Muslims?
Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Connor said non-believers should be respected, right up to the point of death when they will finally come face to face with Satan and his blood-soaked pitchfork.
He told a conference in London: "Those without faith should not be shunned or abused. Jesus and Beelzebub are already cooking something up for them, don't you worry about that."
The one good thing about all of this is that my agnostic friends will be there to keep me company. It will serve them right for not making up their minds about Beelzebub.
(Christianity is supposed to be one of the monotheistic religions. Could someone who is an expert please explain Beelzebub? Is he/she a god or just some minor supernatural being like Gabriel?)
[Hat Tip: RichardDawkins.net]
9 comments :
Jesus and Beelzebub are already cooking something up for them, don't you worry about that.
Ha! Collusion!
"The Daily Mash" - is that by any chance a parody site?
A quick Google search reveals that The Daily Mash is indeed Britain's most popular satire site.
OK Larry, I will give your question a go:
Judeaism: Satan=God Has dominion over non-jews.
Catholic: Satan=Fallen Angel, similar in status to Gabriel, given authority to tempt man to reveal true nature, i.e worthiness
Mormon: Satan=Lesser God brother of Jesus who rebels against Jesus in paradise and is cast out with his followers, works to undermine plan of God and Jesus.
Protestants: Something of all 3 above.
Beelzebub (Baal Zebub) was the god of the Canaanite city of Ekron, called 'lord of the flies' because sacrifices to him attracted flies. ("baal" = lord, "zebub" = fly) Later the name was used to identify the Devil or a major demon.
The Jewish conception of Satan was an angel who served as God's prosecutor and punisher. "Satan" is a term for adversary; the specific name of this accuser angel is Samael, which means "venom of God" ("sam" = poison, "El" = God). Satan will eventually be the adversary of the Messiah and be defeated.
The Christian conception of Satan is a fallen angel. An Old Testament passage refers to the downfall of a prideful human king. This king is called "son of the morning" which means Venus (morning star), referring to his vainglory. A later translation used another name for Venus into Lucifer (light bearer). Because of this, Christians believe that Lucifer is the true name of the Devil, but this is a double conflation.
The Muslim analog of the Devil is Iblis, a Djinn who refused to bow before man and so was cast out of heaven and his name was changed to Shaitan.
The Kurdish Yezedi worship Melek Taus, who is an angel who defied God and fell from heaven. Because of this, Melek Taus is identified by Christians and Jews as the Devil. However, the Yezedi believe that Melek Taus has reconciled with God and is not the Devil.
"The one good thing about all of this is that my agnostic friends will be there to keep me company."Heaven surely is too boring to stay there enternally.
Go to Heaven for the climate; go to Hell for the company. - Mark Twain
A god is any entity that is supernatural and has volition. Satan and other demons and angels are gods in the traditional sense. There is no religion that is monotheistic, if one accepts that Greek religion had many gods.
Jesus and Beelzebub? Today they are called Bush and Cheney. Let's be up-to-date.
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