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Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Jesus and Mo on Wednesday

This one is from five years ago, reposted today at eggs2.


  1. Yes, the way Christians have hijacked pagan celebrations and incorporated them into their own, is hilarious. But hey anything to get some converts, right?

    1. As opposed to a brain dead creationist troll who keep coming back and lays smelly turds.

      Now that's just silly.

      Easter must be a hoot at your place.

    2. As opposed to a brain dead materialistic dumbass who eats his own turds.

      Easter is just another Sunday at my place. I bet that you screw chickens on that day though.

    3. Looks like I got myself a partner or LouiseG has been resurrected.... Let Darwin roll on his grave....!

    4. Witton: Looks like I got myself a partner

      For some reason, I can't get the image of the Slag Brothers off of Wacky Races out of my head.

  2. Chilled? Not according to the apocryphal gospel of Bartholomew, which would make a great movie. The Lord of the underworld notices that despite the Death of Jesus his soul doesn't come his way. He faces off against Zombie Jesus (the soulless body in the tomb) and then consults with Satan, who tells him that Jesus is out to shut the whole underworld down. The two decide to work together to stop him. Jesus assembles a crack team of old testament figures and a host containing (apart from a load of angels) 30,012 virgins. Hades and Satan get a couple of Greek legends to supplement their army of devils and demons. The two sides duke it out for the 3 days. Spoiler alert: The good guys win.
    As I said, that'd make a good movie.

    1. Sounds bitchin. Got a source for that?

    2. P.S. Totally more plausible than the canonical gospels.

    3. Sure: Budge, E.A.W. (1913) "Coptic Apocrypha in the Dialect of Upper Egypt", London Printed by order of the Trustees, Sold at the British Museum.

      Available online at:

      Apocrypha tend to be cool, simply because they were the bits too weird to put in the holy book by people whose threshold for weirdness was high enough that Revelations made it.

    4. Which side was the good guys ?

      Looks like Jesus got to meet his arch nemesis, Judas Iscariot, as well, whose father, I was shocked to discover, was the Satan himself.

      Who'd have thunk it.

      That's after skimming through the 10 page preface and 50 page introduction at which point I skipped to appendices where all the juicier bits usually are.

      Should be days and weeks of good fun, I'll have to download the ebook version for light reading on the commute.

    5. As I said, that'd make a good movie.

      Somebody call Mel Gibson, quick!

      Ah, wait a minute... and we'll need the guys who created the Persian army in "300" to multiply those virgins.

  3. Easter is a equation.
    All going to hell=God/jesus takes the rap(out of love not justice) -no one need go to hell if they simply think in their heart its true who and what Jesus did.
    Only a few(largely in the anglosphere) actually get the equation. Sorry catholics but its not human works or waiting at the pearly gates for the trial.
    Its about eternity and not earthy existence. A big deal.
    actually in evangelical circles Easter is not such a big deal as we go on and on about the story all year. its the rest who focus more so.
    I love the easter bunny and cholcateism. The pagans weren't wrong about everything.

    1. The easter bunny loves you too! I had to google cholcateism. That's a good inferential algorithm they've got there. I didn't know I was a cholcateist.

    2. Oh Robert, you heretic, you forgot about knocking your heels together three times.

      It's hell for you my boy.

      And speaking of the Wizard of Oz:


      My head I'd be scratchin'
      While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
      If I only had a brain.
      Why, if I had a brain I could...
      [singing] I could wile away the hours,
      Conferrin' with the flowers,
      Consultin' with the rain.
      And my head I'd be scratchin'
      While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
      If I only had a brain.

    3. strange, when I google cholcateism all I get is these Sandwalk posts. I'm trapped in an information circle.

    4. It's chocolatheism a.k.a.chocolateism or chocolatism.

    5. strange, when I google cholcateism all I get is these Sandwalk posts. I'm trapped in an information circle.

      That's really weird. As you say, it comes up with dozens of Sandwalk threads, only one of which (this one) actually has the quoted post. Google has reduced the humour quotient of my original post by 83.75%. Guess you had to be there!

    6. When I first googled, it came up with wall-to-wall choccies.

      Chocolates and fertility rituals. That's what Easter's all about. Unless Mrs Miller has an unexpected surprise in store, it'll be chocolates.

  4. Robert, you wrote, "no one need go to hell if they simply think in their heart its true who and what Jesus did." Then you wrote, "its not human works". That's not logical. "Thinking in one's heart" is a human work. If -- if -- God's grace and/or Jesus' death and reported resurrection saves us and our works are not involved, then we're saved, whether or not we think about what Jesus did, whether or not we believe salvation is an issue, whether or not we believe in God.

    There are Christian universalist churches that believe that. Disapproving of such churches is one of the points Catholics and most protestants agree on.

    1. No. one must think its true in ones heart/deep conclusions.
      Its not a work to think something is true anymore then to think its true its raining if one sees it raining.
      Thoughts are not acts.
      Jesus actions only dealt with sins. Not salvation. That only comes from faith in Jesus actions. Watch the math here carefully.

    2. Robert, the difference is that we observe/experience rain. We don't observe/experience salvation, whatever that might be. Therefore, faith in the value of Jesus' reported actions takes a lot of work.

      Also, if Jesus' death brings forgiveness of sins, and if not having faith in him a sin, as surely it must be if you're into this kind of theology, then his death brings us forgiveness for our non-belief. Whether we believe it does or not.

    3. It doesn't matter if unbelief is a sin. belief must be there for salvation. thats the contract.
      It is hard to believe this stuff. thats why so few do and so few save themselves from hell.
      In the english speaking nations more believed this and thats why we are different from the rest of the world.
      More blessed and more civilized. Just as it would be if evangelical Christianity was the true faith. lIkewise why we are more creationist and see through errors of dreamers of origins.

    4. How convenient! English will be the official language of heaven, so those who will be saved don't have to take foreign language courses.

    5. Well, if english was good enough for jesus...

    6. Robert,

      In Australia Christians are approaching 50% of the population and may be a minority in a couple of years.

      Meanwhile, Guatemala and Nicaragua have close to the highest fractions of Christians in the world, close to 98%.

      Which countries are more blessed and more civilzed?

      Also note Robert, like all conservative Christians, uses the word "blessed" as a euphemism for "money & military power." For Christians, "blessings" means stealth bombers that can drop cluster bombs on Third World villages.

      As for the word "civilized", it means we have the military power to steal land from Natives, First Nations, etc.

      The "civilzed" Bible-believing Prots planned genocide in North America, South Africa, Australia, Tasmania, etc.

      The "uncivilzed" are defined as those living on valuable real estate that Christians want to steal, and who don't have the military strength to defend their property against Christian avarice and aggression.

      "Civilzed" for a Christian means "I can kill you and take your stuff."

    7. P.S. The highest rate of Creationism is in Africa (#1) and the Islamic world (#2).

      Robert says creationism is correlated with blessings and civilization. How blessed and civilized is Africa?

      In Nigeria there is a creationist terrorist group called Boko Haram, super violent and murderous. The name means "Western Teaching is forbidden" and refers to their creationist opposition to Darwin's theory and Round Earth theory. They murder many, many people.

      So yes, they are "civilized" by Robert's definition. Proof that militant Islam is "the one true faith", by Robert's technique of identifying the true faith.

    8. Nice try, Diogenes. But people in Africa and South America have the wrong coloured skin to be considered real Christians by Robert Byers' criteria. He's only referring to the "right kind" of Christians, who are White Anglo Saxon Protestants of British stock.

  5. Christianity is the belief in the God of the Bible. Christians believe that there is a heaven and hell and that we all go to one of them. I personally believe that if you believe in CHrist Jesus as your Lord and Savior, and that he died for everyones sins, you are going to heaven.
    the liberal catholic church

    1. Luckily for the televangelists and all the other charlatans associated with christianity, there is nothing in there about being a good person.

    2. we do not impose any dogma on members

      You obviously have not bothered to read and understand your own drivel.

      In that sense you are very much like traditional catholics.

      The Divine manifests itself in the three aspects of Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

      we see the angels as not just messengers but beings who assist in all human, spiritual and natural endeavours

      The existence of God, infinite, eternal, omnipotent, transcendent and immanent.

      The Holy Lady Mary is seen as not only the mother of the man Jesus but also as an embodiment of the Feminine aspect of Divinity, the World Mother and Queen of the Angels

    3. The Liberal Catholic Church Grail Community

      Oh, I see. So you seek the Grail?
      What... is your favourite colour?