Thursday, March 12, 2009

Teach Your Children Well

Chelsea Juman is one of the Intel Baby Nobelist Finalists on the Scientific American website.

According to her study, if you drank underage as a teenager you should never tell your children 'cause, if you do, they'll think it's OK.

Well, it's too late for me but all you young people out there better pay attention. You need to start lying to your children from a very young age. Whatever you do, pretend you never touched a glass of wine or a bottle of beer before you were 21 years old.1 Don't even think about drugs. Lie through your teeth. That'll make 'em respect you.

As soon as they turn 21 you can take them out to a bar and have a long talk about responsible drinking.

Better not tell them about sex either. Abstinence is the only answer.

1. If you're an American. If you live in any other country you can tell them you drank when you were much younger—16 in Italy, Germany, or France, for example.


  1. I can honestly say I have never touched a bottle of bear in my life. I have, however, had occasional unfortunate encounters with beer that tasted like the urine of said animal. (Um, not that I've ever made a direct comparison, you understand....)

  2. Thanks. "Bear" has been corrected to "beer."

    What sorts of urine have you tasted?

  3. I've told my children scant details about my youthful experiences with crime and substance abuse and non-marital sex, and they still think that those activities wrong. Perhaps it's all in the delivery.